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"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used ...
An Honest Job Offer
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Company Overview
Random Company
Inc. is a national market leader in made stuff. Business activity of doing
things, which is not easy, as it seems. The company that makes random
stuff (from underwear with leopard print to Brad Pitt's haircut) is recognised as the hottest industry issues. Now, the time of nervous breakdown, random company is looking to fill the post of sales staff.
Job Description
The employees must
do everything they are told.
Requirements
Candidates must:
·
Do things right
·
Solve Tasks before it is required, possibly before being
conceived and designed.
·
Know WWW, CSS, ASP, PHP, HTML, XML, omg, wtf, SFF, Flash,
Photoshop, Premiere, Max, Maya, C + +, C #,. NET, Java, MySQL, Latin, Arabic,
Chinese and Klingon
·
Not smoke, not drink, not eat in order to control their damn
bladder until going back home (These defects are the path to the dark. Defects
lead to breaks, breaks lead to relaxation, relaxation time leads to not
working.)
·
Not have an account on Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, etc.
·
Not have opinions (who dares to share his/her opinion will be
whipped four days as per terms and conditions)
·
Have a car to be used for the company's interest
·
Come with personal PC and buy the programs they use
·
Not comment when receiving negative feedback
·
Not ask why all the feedback they receives is negative
·
Sign contracts without reading them
·
Not be unhappy (any complaints will be punished with death, and
we can revive you again, because we have experts in Voodoo)
·
Have at least five or more master's or PhD degree
·
Not be ugly, because we do not like ugly people and everyone
knows that you ruin the image if you speak to people. Plus there was a
scientifically proven theory that the level of competence is directly
proportional to person’s looks.
Benefits
·
Opportunity to work overtime and weekends for the rest of life
·
Funny salary package (so small that it makes you laugh)
·
87% tax
·
Once every three years, employees will get the opportunity to
fight in an arena, for life or death, for a salary increase of 1.3%
·
Opportunity to give up their personal lives at the expense
cooperate company
Bonuses
·
Public toilets
·
Pay slip
·
Free Air
·
Medical insurance (that you provide every day which clearly
states you don't have a damn thing wrong)
·
Internet
Interested candidates may submit resumes and bribes and we will check them upon our mood
About Post Author
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I came back from the USA and searching for a job in the Middle East. This can't be more true :)
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