Clueless Critic

This is a genius piece was translated from Romanian 5 years ago. I found it in my Facebook notes.

Going further in my careers, I feel this is the best job ad ever. At least it's honest!

Company Overview

Random Company Inc. is a national market leader in made stuff. Business activity of doing things, which is not easy, as it seems. The company that makes random stuff (from underwear with leopard print to Brad Pitt's haircut) is recognised as the hottest industry issues. Now, the time of nervous breakdown, random company is looking to fill the post of sales staff.

Job Description

The employees must do everything they are told.

Requirements

Candidates must:

· Do things right

· Solve Tasks before it is required, possibly before being conceived and designed.

· Know WWW, CSS, ASP, PHP, HTML, XML, omg, wtf, SFF, Flash, Photoshop, Premiere, Max, Maya, C + +, C #,. NET, Java, MySQL, Latin, Arabic, Chinese and Klingon

· Not smoke, not drink, not eat in order to control their damn bladder until going back home (These defects are the path to the dark. Defects lead to breaks, breaks lead to relaxation, relaxation time leads to not working.)

· Not have an account on Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, etc.

· Not have opinions (who dares to share his/her opinion will be whipped four days as per terms and conditions)

· Have a car to be used for the company's interest

· Come with personal PC and buy the programs they use

· Not comment when receiving negative feedback

· Not ask why all the feedback they receives is negative

· Sign contracts without reading them

· Not be unhappy (any complaints will be punished with death, and we can revive you again, because we have experts in Voodoo)

· Have at least five or more master's or PhD degree

· Not be ugly, because we do not like ugly people and everyone knows that you ruin the image if you speak to people. Plus there was a scientifically proven theory that the level of competence is directly proportional to person’s looks.

Benefits

· Opportunity to work overtime and weekends for the rest of life

· Funny salary package (so small that it makes you laugh)

· 87% tax

· Once every three years, employees will get the opportunity to fight in an arena, for life or death, for a salary increase of 1.3%

· Opportunity to give up their personal lives at the expense cooperate company

Bonuses

· Public toilets

· Pay slip

· Free Air

· Medical insurance (that you provide every day which clearly states you don't have a damn thing wrong)

· Internet

Interested candidates may submit resumes and bribes and we will check them upon our mood

Just to be clear from the start, I’m not a food critic. I just love food and enjoy eating… a lot! Maybe that’s why I was never able to stay on a diet more than 4 days a week. And because I don’t like taking chances or wasting money on bad food, which is a crime in my opinion, I always opt for known chains or decent places, just to make sure I don’t end up with a horrible pizza.

I haven’t tried so many places, but I have tried a couple of places that I believe they are worth trying if you are still new in Dubai and you can’t afford fancy restaurants with weird names and weirder menus.

Obviously. I’m talking about the American pan pizza, not the Italian pizza. They are different and you need a trip to Italy to know the difference... take my word on that!

Flippin Pizza: I usually order from Ibn Batouta mall, and it is my favorite so far. They have some really nice variety of pizzas and most of them taste awesome. I love, love their BRONX pizza. It has the right amount of meat and the perfect amount of cheese to satisfy my cravings. Don’t forget to try their Garlic bread; it’s really good. (4.5 stars out of 5)

Pizza by The Meter: If you haven’t seen a meter long Pizza, here’s your chance. You can order in quarters, and you will get a huge box with amazing food. The flavors are good but you should choose the correct type of pizza and dough. It might get a bit “bready” if you know what I mean. (3.5 stars out of 5)

Russo's Pizza: Even though I had it only once a few weeks ago, but I can honestly say that it’s on my list for good pizza. Their XL pizza is HUGE! You’ll struggle holding one slice. I still need to try different kinds there, but the ones I tried were good. (3.5 stars out of 5)

Murphy's Pizza: I’ve had it only once too, but I will defiantly order again when I have the opportunity. The pizza was decent, yummy, and satisfying. (3.5 stars out of 5)

During my 2 years in Dubai, I have tried so many pizzas, but these are that stood out. I’m sure there are many places that offer amazing pizza, that I’m yet to discover.

Again, I’m not a food critic and I don’t like to waste my time and money to find a AED 500 pizza with gold and pearls in the stuffing (not sure this actually exists), I just look for places that deliver quickly.

Feel free to share your list of great pizzas in Dubai. Just make sure they deliver!

Do you remember those days when you wished you do nothing all day and just stay on Facebook and Twitter instead of doing actual work?

Well, be careful what you wish for! In the past month I haven't had that much work pressure and I found myself of having extra time on my hands that I would ever want to think about.

I'm usually a master in wasting time at home. I can watch movies and tv shows non-stop all day and I wouldn't even feel the need to move, except for getting food and snacks, of course.

But things are different when you are at work and you don't have much to do, but you would still want to look like you're busy and actually doing something useful.

So, I came up with a some easy, innocent ways to look like i'm working, but at the same time, i'm actually wasting time:

1. Take your time in doing your daily tasks. If something usually takes you 30 minutes to finish, try to take it slow and finish it in 1 hour. Repeat as needed.

2. Read stuff online related to your industry. No one can blame you for wanting to be up-to-date with new trends and technologies to enhance your knowledge and skills.

3. Dig in some case studies and best practices in your industry. Again, no one can blame you for wanting to be up-to-date with the market and be inspired by other companies' work.

4. 4.You really like coffee, right? How about 3 or 4 cups a day. You don't really have to drink them all, but you can waste like 15 minutes making one. Want to waste more time, be nice and wash the dishes. This will show you care about the company and you are a good team player.

5. There is a healthy benefit out of this tip. Get yourself a big bottle of water and keep it next to you. The more you drink, the more you feel the need to use the washroom.

6. If you have a supermarket or a grocery store close to you, and your company is okay with you leaving the office for a little while, go at least twice a day to buy random stuff... even if it's a pack of gum or whatever.

7. If you smoke, that's probably the best excuse ever. Go for a cigarette break every 2 or 3 hours, here is another 30 minutes killed.

If you follow the above steps, you will end up working for 2 or 3 hours max a day. That's the dream, right?

In case you're a manager and you see these actions from your employees, now you know why they do these things!

I found the following few lines in my email, as it was created as an assignment for a job I applied for.
Needless to say, I didn't get the job... but I'm still looking for the best burger in Dubai.

Moving to a new country is always exciting and thrilling, but it can also be frustrating trying to find all the best places to have that perfect mouthwatering burger you spent you life time looking for it in your own country. I have been on a quest to find the best burger in Dubai, trying all the places recommended by friends and random people on the internet in hope to find that one burger that makes us feel a bit closer to finding a new home.
I can't claim trying every burger place in Dubai, but at least I have tried the most recommended ones.

Here is our list to the top 3 Burger places in Dubai.

1) Burger Fuel: It's just so awesome that while eating that burger you would be planning your next visit already.

2) The counter: Not the usual burger choices you find anywhere else, here you can customise the burger that better suits your taste buds.

3) Shake Shack: As expected, this place has amazing burgers, but we are crazy about the fries too.

Let me know if you agree or not. I always welcome suggestions!

I promised myself to write a blog post every week. Just to keep my blog alive and to find something better to do than watch Masterchef Australia reruns over and over again… thanks to Fox HD.

My biggest obstacle is I never know what to write about, which is weird because I never shut up usually. I’m that person in a group that always has something to say, regardless of who the group is. I consider this to be one of my best features.

So you can understand my struggle to find something to blog about.

I always stop myself from writing and blogging about things that annoy me, which would be everything! I don’t want to be this kind of bloggers… the haters that gain a reputation of complaining about anything and everything, for no reason whatsoever.

Looking back at my posts (the sad, sad posts) I realised that my most read post was the one about relationships in general and asshole men in particular. I am no relationship expert, but I know a thing or two about what makes a good relation and what doesn’t.

Since I know I can’t write something spectacular about my career as a social media expert, because, in my opinion, there are as many articles about social media as cooking recipes! Don’t get me wrong, but there are so many articles about every aspect in social media, and I don’t think I can come up with something new or innovative about it.

So stay tuned if you are interested!

It's been almost 2 years since my last post. So many things changed since, I have moved to a new country, changed my job a couple of time and I discovered I have MS!

It seems like it was yesterday that I got this new opportunity to enhance my career and come to the land of opportunities (Dubai). I have to admit that I fell in love with the city the moment I stepped foot into, and I really thought this was the best option for me moving forward.

Well, I was wrong! It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed in a city that is so glamorous and set itself as a destination of luxury and extravaganza. But people usually fail to mention that you will be sucked in a vortex of work, work and work!

I do admit that I was sucked into cycle of home-work-home kind of life and spent most of my weekends home cleaning the house, watching TV and barely talking to anybody.

Long story short, that is the only reason I stopped writing, even though I wrote hundreds of posts in my head, and maybe only 3 or 4 would have seen the light.

This time I promise I will dedicate more time to do the things I love, including blogging, regardless of what you might think of it!

Stay tuned!

It might take seconds to change someone's life... that's the main idea of this touching video. After watching it over and over again, and crying my eyes out because of it, I had one question in mind: when did humans lose their humanity? why does opening a door for someone, helping someone get off a bus, or picking up heavy luggage for other considered a rare incident that happens once in a blue moon?

Did we become so selfish and skeptical that we don't help others anymore? why do we choose to look the other way and pretend nothing happened when we see someone trip or fall? we just go our way and forget about that a few seconds later.

I can't pretend that i'm a better person, but I try to make a difference in people's lives, even if it's driving an old lady to her house, or carrying a heavy bag for an old man, or even allow a pedestrian to cross the street when there is traffic.

All i'm saying is that these small acts are contagious, and they can make a person's day a little bit better.

I believe in Karma and I think that the universe pays us back for our good deeds.

So next time you see someone in need of a simple help, don't hesitate to spare a few moments and offer a hand. Believe me, it will make a difference!

Clueless Critic

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